Here are a few quotes from Henry Youngman. I love his one-liners.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says “You’ve been brought here for drinking. The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started