They were fat

If you go to Servant Quarters from Gayle D. Erwin, you will find these “truths” under his humor page. Every few years I go back and re-read all of them.  Here are three of my favorites.

Samson
Usually, Hollywood portrays Samson as being a musclebound womanizer. They are right as far as the womanizer is concerned but not as far as his looks are concerned. If he had looked like Arnold Schwartzenegger, Delilah would not have had to ask where his strength lay. I believe, based on internal evidence in the story, that Samson was short, fat and wore suspenders. Obviously, Delilah would be mystified as to his strength. When Samson erred and let Delilah know that his uncut hair was the source of his strength, he became short, fat, bald and wore suspenders.

Gideon’s Band
Whenever you hear the story of the downsizing of Gideon’s army from 32,000 to 300, that final cut that reduced the army from 10,000 to 300 came at a spring at the base of Mount Tabor. “You know the story,” as Jon Courson would say. They were all told to drink and the ones who got down on all fours and drank like a dog were rejected. Those chosen were the ones who, perhaps on one knee, scooped up the water by hand and lifted it to their mouths.

You have always heard that they were chosen because they were the watchful ones, ready for battle. The internal evidence does not support that conclusion. God was reducing this army to the few who would know that they did not win the battle, the few who were the least likely to claim the glory for the victory. Therefore, the ones who scooped up the water with one hand were those who were too fat or disabled to get on their hands and knees. In fact, they were probably all short, fat, bald and wore suspenders.

Peter, James and John
Recent studies have changed my view of Peter, James and John. I have always thought of them as the inner circle, the elite three, the ones Jesus wanted closest to him. But now, after studying them again, I have come to the conclusion that they were not the inner circle or the elite, but instead they were the “remedial group” that Jesus had to have close to him at all times because they were such slow learners, and he could not trust them back with the other guys.

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